The following two pieces are excerpted from The Somali Press, a Toronto-based monthly By MOHAMED OSMAN.
If you visit the teashops and other meeting places for Somali men, it is difficult not to run into those complaining and attacking their female counterparts. At times I'm ready to slap them. They have trampled on the dignity of all men - complain, complain, complain.
Doubtless, women too whine and make accusations. But, what is unacceptable is that men have overdone women here. Finally, tired of the endless lamentations from the two camps, I started to listen to the grievances.
After getting an earful, it seems that the womens' case is based on some tangible arguments. And although I had discussions with many people in the course of my research for this piece, I finally settled for the voices of Ali and Asha.
My first question to Asha, "Isn't it unfair to level many unfounded accusations against us (Somali men)."
Asha: "Listen, brother. You have been so sheltered from facing reality. Today, we are telling you the truth. In Somalia, the situation was such that women were enslaved in order to serve men from the day they were born.
"Our own mothers used to force us to carry you on our backs and change your diapers. We were obliged to cook your meals, do the laundry for you and serve you as if we were your maids.
"Since men have never done anything for themselves, they turn into zombies entirely depending on women. The Somali man sits on his mothers lap before directly moving to that of his wife. I said in a rather light-hearted manner, "sister, do you think you have gone to far in your criticism against us."
"Brother, listen carefully. This matter is closed. This does not mean that we are not interested in Somali men any more. However, since life outside Somalia is difficult, we are no longer capable of carrying them on our backs or keeping them on our laps.
"We would like to advise them to attend to their own needs. Some of them can't be dissuaded from spending all their time in the teashops. "Please get rid of such bad habits as chewing khat and other counterproductive actives and take care of your own kids. If only they learn how to cook, that would be a big plus.''
"Brother, while we were in Somalia a woman's life, irrespective of her marital status, was in the hands of the man. And the majority of women had no economic power to free themselves. They were virtually a property of the men.
"In a bid to draw economic advantages, it was normal for (families) to force their young daughters to get married to men as old as their great-grand fathers.
"Therefore, (those young women) used to lead a stressful life and endless torture. It was normal for any (woman) who resisted to be slapped in the face, thrown out of her home, and (unilaterally) divorced.
"If I can be blunt, the whining of Somali men is baseless. They are (mourning their loss) -the bad habit of bullying women. They are hard put to deny the tangible achievements made by women and men's utter failure in the diaspora.'' ***
By MOHAMED FARAH
After hearing Asha's argument, I sit down with Ali and give him an overview of my conversation.Indulging in a moment of reflection, he says with a grin,"I assume you had an audience with a confused person."
"Somali women were never treated in the way she described. In the course of my life, I've never heard about Somali women being subjugated. The (allegedly) tortured women this insane woman is talking about, have they (suddenly) bolted out of a different world? Aren't they those who begot us, those we have betrothed, those we have fathered?
"How could we have allowed ourselves to abuse them? Viewed from every angle, Somali women have been treated in a dignified manner consonant with the Islamic doctrine.
"One other thing: she claims that men can't be dissuaded from frequenting teashops. Uncle, (Somali) men were impelled by harsh circumstances to patron those lowly places. The problem is that God has burdened the Somali woman with the obsession of dialing the 911."
As I was in the process of writing this short article, I had a chat with a male friend. I asked him what his take on the gender problems facing the Somali communities in diaspora was.
"Oh! To God we do belong (an expression drawn from the Quaran and cited when one is in a bad fix). You did not hear shimali (Ahmed) Shimali's new CD. Everything about women is there," he says. I respond."What does the CD say?" "Do listen to it,'' he says.
Frankly speaking, I was taken aback after hearing the content of the CD. I ask Ali if he had heard Shimali's new song?" "Hear it with your own ears'', I say playing the CD for him.
Here I quote the following lyrics:
"That wife (of mine)... for whom I had dedicated every thing in my possession
when I drew closer to her, she came up with a unique behaviour...
"When I knocked at the door and the children rushed to me and I asked them
where is your mother and strained my eyes to see further into the house
I caught sight of the reflection of an infidel...
"I said: you the short-sighted one hey, woman what is this dog?
"She responded: hay, boy hay, take notice this "boy" is a boy friend
look at him not out of the door you go.
When Ali had listened to the song, I asked him for his impressions. He inadvertantly hit the table with both of his fists - pang!
"This sums up the whole story. That is the lot of all men. Please God, forgive Shimali for all his sins. He has scored one good goal against women," he says.
Translated by Mohammed Urdoh for Now magazine.